


Don't Shun It, Fun It

by Write_your_letters_in_the_sand



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: 1970s, Angst, Cheating, Early Days, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-23 08:50:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20005591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Write_your_letters_in_the_sand/pseuds/Write_your_letters_in_the_sand
Summary: Roger and Brian had a thing going. Of course, it wasn't exactly a relationship, but Roger couldn't help but feel upset when Brian introduced his girlfriend to him. He just can't exactly figure out what is bothering him about it...





	Don't Shun It, Fun It

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This is my first and only Maylor fic, I wrote it for a friend who convinced me to post it. Hope you guys like it!

Roger had no reason to be surprised. After all, he knew Brian had been going out with this girl a few times and it seemed like it was going somewhere, but the two of them were still casually shagging on the side and foolishly, he couldn’t help but assume that meant this girl was only a fling.

He soon learned that wasn’t the case as Brian introduced Jocelyn as his girlfriend to Freddie, John and himself right before one of their next gigs. Roger couldn’t help but choke on his drink, he noticed the nervous glare Brian shot at him. Brian and his… girl, sat beside him at the much too small booth as the lot of them enjoyed the free alcohol provided to make up for the measly pay they will be receiving after the show.  


He had to admit, she was cute. Auburn hair that reaches just past her shoulders, sunkissed skin with freckles dotting her face and chest; she looked down to earth, but sounded smart as Hell - Brian probably met her in one of his classes. Her eyes glowed when she spoke and he couldn’t help but notice how Brian looked at her with admiration every time she laughed.  


He didn’t hear Freddie the first time he said his name.  


“Roger!” hands with black nail varnish were suddenly waving in his face. The rest of them were all standing as he finally looked at Freddie who was growing impatient. “God, finally. Can you please stop thinking about fucking Bri’s girlfriend and help us set up? Show starts in an hour.”  


Brian's smirk and eye roll lead to him wrapping his arm around her waist as she blushed furiously. As they all walked away from the table, Roger jumped up and scrambled to find something to say.  


“I didn’t! I- I wasn’t-!”

Jocelyn flashed him a kind smile before walking away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Okay, so we officially aren’t fucking anymore, right?”

Brian looked at Roger with wide eyes as he nearly spilt his second cup of coffee on his lap. It was already surprising enough to find Roger at the recording studio this early with a gossip magazine and cigarette in hand while sprawled across the couch, let alone him ask a question about their sex life at nine in the morning. After a few moments of shock, he managed to maintain his composure while sitting down in the seat across from Rog, cleared his throat and took a long sip of his coffee. 

“Yes-” he choked on his words a bit, clearly uncomfortable about this topic, “I thought having a girlfriend made that clear.”  


Roger casually looked down at the ground, “That hasn’t stopped you before,” he mumbled, loud enough for Brian to hear.  


He wasn’t wrong. Brian liked to call himself a rational man, but oftentimes after one too many drinks and a touchy Roger by his side who is wearing a pair of all too-tight jeans that leave nothing to the imagination… well - he can’t help himself. It’s just sex though. Meaningless, lazy sex filled with banter and jokes, nothing more. Of course, there is an unspoken rule that this meaningless sex occurs more frequently and often times very sober while neither are in a relationship, and it has been a long time since either had been going steady with anyone. Brian couldn’t help but feel guilty on both sides of the situation.  


“This is different Rog. I really like this girl.”  


Roger scoffed, then took a long drag from his cigarette, “It didn’t seem that way when you were rushing out the door, late for your date cause you were busy sucking me off-”  


“Jesus Rog!” This time Brian did spill coffee on himself. He swore under his breath and stood up, “Can we ever have a mature conversation about our - well, our…”  
“Our sex life.”  


“Yes! Our sex life,” Roger handed Brian the tissue box beside him in an attempt to help with the mess. Brian frowned, but took it anyway, feebly wiping his legs before eventually giving up, “Besides, it was just a casual thing and you know that. Friends with benefits, you know?”  


Roger put out his smoke in the ashtray in front of him. “Okay, fine, no sex - I get it. I’ll just have to find a different lucky bastard I suppose.”  


A small chuckle came from their right. As they turned to the door, the two, unfortunately, found John laughing as he stood by the doorway, bass in hand. Brian's entire face turned red and a smug smile erupted on Rogers. John bit his lip as he tried to stop himself from laughing.  


“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have listened in on your conversation, but you guys are fucking ridiculous!” John burst out laughing again as Brian groaned and buried his head in his hands, “Roger, no one is lucky if they gotta see your micropenis.”  


“Hey, my dick is not tiny,” Rogers smile turned into a small pout, giving John the exact reaction he wanted, “Just ask Brian.”

The tissue box was soon returned to Roger as it hit him in the face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

God, Brian looked so fucking good on stage. 

One of the benefits of being behind the drums is being able to see everything that is going on in the room. He had the best seat in the house for seeing the audience cheering and singing along, for watching Freddies absolutely stunning performance on stage, and to gaze at Brian, who looked heavenly and sinfully hot at the same time. Dressed in all white while wearing a top with the most ludicrous sleeves, Roger nearly fucked up the lines of the song as he was distracted by the sweat dripping off of Brians' face.  


Eyes half-open, brows slightly furrowed, his pouty lips parted slightly, He only had that look of euphoric concentration in two places, on stage and in bed. Roger knew he said no sex. He knew that it has been a month now since he and Jocelyn have been together. And he sure as hell knew he had been spending the past few weeks holding himself back. But pent up sexual frustration needs to escape eventually, and Roger is a man who likes to get what he wants.  


“ _If we just make out and give a couple of handjobs it's not cheating, right?_ ” Roger thought this to himself as the show came to a close, one of their more successful performances to say the least.  


It’s another show at one of the pubs near the university Brian attends. They have performed there a few times but this was the first moment it was packed. They were all in a state of shock when some of the audience began to sing back to them, as they have clearly been to numerous of their shows and learned the lines. It felt like things were slowly starting to come together for their little band called Queen, and at this moment, Roger couldn’t care less. 

All he could think about was he and Brian in the back alleyway doing what they’ve done many times before.

Roger didn’t even bother taking down his drum set right away, His one-track mind was trying to catch up with the guitarist that was already walking into the crowd. Roger's heart skipped a beat when he began to ponder that Brian might be thinking the same thing. It’s unusual for Brian to go into the crowd immediately after a gig; in fact, he would normally do the exact opposite. Not to mention the brief moment of eye contact onstage Roger recalled. He was caught staring hungrily at Brian, and he _winked _in response. Roger quickened his pace as he started to get closer to him. He did feel a little stupid when Brian abruptly stopped, causing Roger to run into his back.__  


“Oh my, I’m so sorry,” Roger could hear Brian apologizing to him over the crowd, “Oh! Roger, do you want something?” He said, completely surprised by Rogers appearance.  


Oh. So he wasn’t thinking the same thing. Nevertheless, Roger was in too far and much too hard now to back out, he grabs onto Brian’s wrist and looked him in the eye.  


“Come with me-” his strong voice fizzled out when he saw the person behind Brian. Jocelyn was there and smiling sweetly at Roger as if he wasn't just about to shove her boyfriend into a wall and desperately make out with him.  


Brian looked down at his wrist, “Why?” his eyes returned to Roger quizzically. Surprisingly ashamed, Roger immediately let go, his face turning red.  


“You - uh - forgot to put away your equipment... “ Roger stumbled over his words as he tried to come up with a suitable lie.  


“Well, you don’t seem to be helping much either…” The two of them looked over at the small stage to find John working alone as he unplugged the amps and carried them into their much too small van. Their eyes then moved over to the bar where Freddie was clearly sweet-talking the bartender into either a one night stand or another free Tequila Sunrise.  


“Babe?” Roger watched as Jocelyn gently wrapped her hand around Brian’s forearm which caught his attention. She was unsurprisingly soft-spoken, her wide, brown eyes looking up at Brian’s, “I have to go, but you can stay if you need to.”  


Something happened to Roger when Brian looked over to him. He was begging, definitely overexaggerating, but still begging. His eyes wide, a gentle pout on his face with his head tilted to the side. Rogers' heart was no longer racing like before, it was fluttering.  


“Go. I’ll help clean up,” he said - almost involuntarily - practically just to make the moment end. The butterflies in his stomach refused to leave as his pout formed into a toothy grin.  


“Thanks, Rog, I owe you one,” Roger was the one to break eye contact after that statement, his mind wandering to dirtier thoughts. He and Jocelyn walked away hand in hand, Roger couldn't help but watch until they got lost in the crowd. Thankfully, when he turned towards the stage it was already cleared off, thank God for John and his good work ethic. Besides, he needed to rush to the bathroom to take care of a - forgotten emergency - throughout this awkward ordeal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

His hand was around her waist, and she was nestled in tightly beside him. It was his right hand that was holding her as his left was currently holding a beer he had been nursing for the entire night. She doesn't like it when he drinks, or that's what Roger assumes as he cannot remember the last time Brian was drunk.  


There they were, right in front of Roger, practically showing off their loving relationship to everyone around them. Okay, not exactly right in front of Roger, he had to crane his neck all the way to the left to see them in a hallway in another room, and to be fair, they weren't showing anything off, the two were simply standing side by side as they conversed with another couple in a similar position.  


She flicked her hair off her shoulder. She leaned into Brian, that familiar soft smile on her face. They were in love and it was disgusting. 

"It's rude to stare, especially with a look like that," John murmured, tossing another peanut in his mouth.

The lot of them were invited to a house party after their most recent gig. All they needed to hear was 'free booze' and the four of them were in. Freddie was off somewhere, likely enjoying the compliments from their performance earlier today while drinking some terrible concoction a stranger made for him. Rog and John were both seated on a couch, Roger at this point already lost count of his alcohol consumption, yet was still holding another beer in his hand.  


"Fuck off Deaky," he slurred, his mind not yet fully comprehending what John said, "I'm not staring."  


"Yes, you are. You have been for the past ten minutes. Brian has been trying his best to pretend not to notice. It's a rather awkward situation to witness," another peanut was tossed in his mouth, the next being thrown into Roger's hair. He was too drunk to notice, which made John snicker.  


"I don't like her," Rog said plainly as he glanced back over. She was laughing about something. Brian was looking at her, smiling. A genuine smile that was clearly not directed to whatever joke was made. Roger turned away.  


John tossed the rest of the peanuts in his hand into his mouth, "Jocelyn? Really? Rog, she's the definition of a perfect woman."  


"She's a bitch," Roger took another drink of his beer.  


Deaky crossed his arms, "You've barely even talked to her," Roger turned towards John. He wasn’t wrong, he knew nothing about the woman beside the fact that she is now getting all of Brian’s attention. Which in the end causes less of his focus on Roger, leading to a now six month hiatus of sex with Brian. In Rogers opinion, that is more than enough of a reason to not like her.  


"Still," another swig from his bottle, "she looks like a bitch."  


Deaky looked at Roger with a confused expression, "She's a beautiful brunette studying social sciences; Roger, that's the opposite of a bitch,"  


"Social science?" Roger's brow furrowed, "How the fuck did they meet at school?"  


“What? They didn’t meet at school dumbass. I swear we discussed this before,” John grabbed another handful of peanuts, “She’s my friend.” 

Roger, at first shocked at this new information, began to laugh, “Jesus Deaks, how could you let Brian take a girl like that from you?”

“You literally just called her a bitch.”

“Yeah, a bitch that is your type.”

Words failed to form in John's mind right away as he simply pinched the bridge of his nose while shaking his head. “She’s older than me, around your age. She was in my neighbourhood and we used to hang out as kids. We became closer friends when I was in my first band, and in her last year of high school she was always the one to buy the drinks for the party,” John halfheartedly chuckled at that before continuing, “Anyways we lost touch when she went to Uni, but just recently reconnected this Christmas when we ran into each other back in our hometown. We both realized we were living in London and I invited her to my place one night for a few drinks. Of course, that same night Brian came over with my amp completely blown out so they got to know each other as I spent the rest of the night fixing Brians fuck up.”  


“So, Brian stole your girl,” Roger raised an eyebrow and smirked. John glared as he threw another peanut in Rogers' hair. This time he noticed and threw it back.  


“I told you, it wasn’t like that. We were friends, she was kind of like a sister to me,” John ate his second handful of peanuts and washed it down with whatever he was drinking, “Unlike you, not every relationship I try to make is about sex.”  


Roger ignored that last part and looked back at Brian and Jocelyn who were now alone in the hallway. His arms were around the small of her back, his eyes longingly looking into hers before a light kiss was planted on her lips. Roger couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy.  


“You’re doing it again,” John took another sip of his drink, “Jesus Rog, just find someone else to spend the night with.”  


Roger was drunk. And John was nice, sort of. With that logic, Roger decided to swiftly slide one hand to Deaky’s inner thigh and the other cupping his face, bringing him in for a brief kiss. As fast as Roger initiated it, John backed out his eyes wide and face flushed. He awkwardly laughed as he carefully removed Rogers hand from his thigh and smiled politely.  


“I’m sorry Rog,” he said meekly, only making Roger feel worse, “I’m far too straight and sober for that.”  


“I’m - God, I’m such an asshole,” Roger scrambled to pick up his beer again, quickly drinking it down hoping more alcohol in his system will cover up his embarrassment, “I’m sorry Deaks it's just-”  


“What, did that move work on Brian?” he joked, haplessly trying to lighten the mood.  


Roger choked for a moment and laughed, scratching the back of his neck. “It did actually,” seeing the surprised look in Johns' eyes as he was clearly trying his best not to judge, Roger desperately tried to change the subject, “Wait, how the fuck are you sober? I’m sure you have drunk more than me…”  


Roger grabbed the plastic cup John was holding and took a sip. It was literally just Coca-Cola and ice. He looked at Deaky who shrugged, “I have a presentation for class tomorrow morning and I would rather not do it hungover.”  


“Then why come at all, shouldn’t you be practicing or something?”  


John raised his eyebrows and while looking at Rog “And let your drunk ass drive our van filled with expensive equipment? Besides, I don’t really do a lot of that preparation stuff, it just makes me more nervous.”  


“ _Smartass,_ ” And he was right, sometimes he wondered if John was more intelligent than Brian. He glanced over to where the couple was to see that they were no longer there. That jealous feeling grew in the pit of his stomach as he tried not to think much about it. He hoped Brian didn’t see what happened between him and John. Or maybe he does. Whatever.  


From the corner of his eye, Roger noticed a leg wearing white bell-bottomed jeans attempt to climb over the couch, making its way between him and Deaks. As Roger properly looked over, it was clear to see that the leg belonged to Freddie, who was likely more intoxicated than Roger, laughing glamorously at nothing at all. After giving John a kiss on the cheek and Rog a side hug, he began to ramble.  


“Oh, I just met the most fabulous bloke darlings. You see, we were arguing about if the cat we saw running on the street was a Calico or a Turkish Van, then we had a couple of shots and well…” Freddie gestured at the numerous hickeys surrounding his neck and collarbone that was revealed through his low-cut collar, “You can connect the dots.”  


Freddie stole Johns drink and took a sip. Upon realizing its absence of alcohol he proceeded to take a stranger's abandoned beverage from the coffee table in front of them and drank it. He continued, “Anyways, enough about my exciting night, how have you two been? Surely you haven’t been on this couch the entire night.”  


“Well, Roger is hammered and wants to get into Brian’s pants,” Roger shot a look at Deaks while Freddie laughed, “And apparently mine too,”  


This initiated more laughter from Freddie and an even more embarrassed Roger to throw an empty cup at John, which flew over his head due to Rogers lousy aim he wishes he could only blame on the alcohol.  


“Oh Rog, don’t be so coy,” Freddie said, resting his hand on Rogers back, “Trust me, I too have had a fair amount of wet dreams about John. It’s too bad he is too boring to experiment,” Freddie winked at John who had no idea how to react.  


Freddie leaned his head against Roger, which despite Rog’s aggression towards Freddie's previous blunt comments, he couldn’t help but enjoy the gesture. It felt warm and comforting as if Freddie knew what was troubling him.

“I think that you think you might actually have feelings for Brian.”

Well, at least Roger was right about Freds ability to read people. To be fair, he wasn’t entirely wrong. Ever since the time when he made a fool of himself at the bar months ago, he has been trying to shut down the idea that he is thinking of Brian as more than ‘friends with benefits’. But that looming feeling of longing whenever Brian even talks about Jocelyn is more apparent each day, and he can't lie that his dreams have been more sappy than sexual, which is quite unusual. 

Not that Freddie or John needed to know about that.

“No way Fred,” Roger tried to respond nonchalantly, “Brian’s nothing more than an easy shag that I can no longer use.”  


Freddie lifted his head slightly so he could turn towards him, “Roger dear, you above anyone else should know how easy it is to find someone to fuck. If it was just sex you were looking for, you wouldn’t be so hung up on Brian.”  


Roger could see John's head overtop of Freddies as he tried to join the conversation, “Just admit it. You want to marry our guitarist.”  
Freddie smiled, “It’s rather cliche isn’t it Rog, falling in love with your casual hookup?”  


“Fuck off guys!” Roger said, annoyed. He nudged Freddie off his shoulder and crossed his arms, “Jesus, you tell someone you don’t like your friend's girlfriend and now they think that I’m in love with him.”  


Freddie was taken aback, “You don’t like Jocelyn!? Damn, I was only going by the way you ogle at Brian every moment you see him. I didn’t know you were jealous as well.”  


Roger stood up, nearly falling back down again as he then realizes how much he had drunk.  


“I want to go home,” he says plainly, heading towards the door. Knowing how worried John is about Roger drinking under the influence due to him nearly driving their van over a bridge the last time, he wasn’t surprised to hear him stand up as well and say goodbye to Freddie, who was clearly still interested in partying.  


As they got into the van, both were relieved to see nothing stolen or missing, as the locks on the vehicle refused to work for months now. John turned on the ignition and started driving. The ride was silent for the most part besides the late-night radio playing on low volume as ambience. Rogers window was slightly open, the fresh air hitting his face prevented him from vomiting. He kept on looking over at John, who was being too nice.  


“I don’t want to talk about it,” Roger said out of the blue.  


“I know,” John paused thinking for a moment, “Are you sure you want to go home?”  


Roger was confused, “Where else would I go?” he slurred. He tried to speak as little as possible as the drive was already overwhelming.

“I’m just saying, it seems like you don’t want to be alone right now.” 

“ _Since when was John so good at reading people? _” Roger couldn't help but think. He didn’t reply, only leading Deaky to continue.__

____

“You could stay at my place for the night.”  


“You live in a dorm,” Roger wasn’t really arguing, just stating the facts.  


“I have a couch,”

Neither slept on the couch. When they arrived at Johns cramped dorm room, the two silently agreed to just share the much too small bed.  


“ _John must be lonely too, _” Roger mind wandered as the now fast asleep John managed to wrap his arms around him. Although he wasn’t used to the feeling, he enjoyed it nevertheless.__

____

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Five minutes to midnight. 1973 was right around the corner and Roger was exactly where he wanted to be, crammed in a dingy bar with three of his closest friends.  


Jocelyn wasn’t there. She was visiting family for the winter break, Brian probably would have been there too if it wasn’t for the fact that Freddie last minute booked them a gig in some cheap bar that offered a surprising amount of money. And rightly so, the bar was filled with people who would regularly attend their shows, even if the drinks were shit. Although Brian was clearly upset and John did protest slightly against the gig, Roger was in his element. After all, if they weren’t playing this evening, it was likely that he and Freddie would have just ended up club hopping for the night.  


But here they are, sweaty and tired from playing onstage for a few hours, now spending their hard-earned cash on every drink available. Brian was close by Roger’s side and was too drunk to even notice Rog’s hand rested on his thigh. The four of them stuck close together as they drank and chatted and basked in the compliments of their music, it was a perfect night.  


Brian was awfully close. Maybe he was just being nice, he is quite a touchy drunk. And to be fair it wasn’t just Roger he was messing around with, there were countless moments where he would run his fingers through Johns' hair, or try and dance with Freddie, who was positively grinding against him. But at this moment, his arm was snug around Roger, his head resting on his shoulder and Rogers hand carefully set on his thigh, subconsciously moving further inside his leg.  


Roger was in the middle of listening to Freddie complain about the music playing in the bar when he heard a soft, broken gasp against his ear. It was at that moment when he realized his hand was in between Brians' thighs, pressing against his crotch where his pants were already tight enough due to the pair of jeans he is wearing. He looked around the table, everyone else was either too drunk or simply oblivious to the small pants escaping Brian's mouth, which is also partially due to the loud music and the curls cleverly hiding his obviously flushed face.  


A large part of him was telling him to stop. He knew it was wrong, Brian was in a very steady relationship and surely at some point, he is going to clue in and eventually stop this anyways. But his mind is still quite hazy due to is many drinks and Brian smelled so good and sounded so good and... “ _God, is he biting my neck? _”__  


Brian shifted closer, only making Rogers hand press further into his obvious erection as between gasps light nips were made near his collarbone; Roger knew he would lose his composure soon enough when he felt Brian's hand creeping towards his belt.  


“I think I’m going to -uh- get another drink” He managed to choke out as he could still feel Brian’s teeth against his neck “Bri, do you want to come along?”  


Brian looked up to the sound of his name and took a few minutes to fully register what was said.  


“Okay.” his voice was husky, obviously still distracted by… other matters. The moment they stood up Roger no longer cared about trying to hide what was going on as he dragged Brian into the single stalled bathroom. He locked the door and pushed Brian against the graffiti-covered wall, who moaned in response. Neither spoke, knowing words would only ruin this moment of desperation.  


Roger had to pull Brian down by the collar so he could kiss him, it was rough and messy, the two of them gasping for air any moment they could, Brian consistently moaned into the kiss, which only made Roger even more eager to unbutton Brians pants.  


Even drunk and horny and already being morally ambiguous, Brian was still a romantic. The man loved to take his time before even thinking about going anywhere below the belt. Roger had already zipped down his fly but Brian - despite the desperate whines he was making - moved Roger’s impatient hands out of his pants and slid them underneath his shirt. Roger wasn’t (entirely) complaining, he rather loved to feel Brian's chest, hands sprawled around every area as they begin to inch upwards, eventually leading him to hastily take Brians top off and disregard it immediately. Rogers shirt was already completely unbuttoned, but Brian had no interest in taking it off right away.  


Brians' hands were huge, which came into use for countless reasons. Right now it was for the fact that they were capable of practically touching every part of Rogers' torso. That feeling and the fact that Brian was in the middle of creating a rather dark hickey on Rogers collarbone made a rather embarrassing whimper escape his mouth as his nails dug into Brian’s back.  


Brian lifted his head up slightly, a familiar glazed look in his eyes told Roger exactly what he wanted. Their lips met as Roger continued his previous attempt to get into Brian’s pants, literally. 

“ _Ten! _”__

The two of them could hear a muffled countdown occurring from the outside. Brian’s tongue lodged into Rogers' mouth as he scrambled to now properly remove Brians jeans. Roger shuddered when he felt Brian’s hands reach towards his belt.

“ _Nine! _”__

____

Roger’s pants literally never felt tighter than at this moment. And Brian couldn't be going any slower. As his fingers fumbled with his belt Roger wasn’t entirely sure if he was doing it on purpose just to get Roger worked up or if he is literally incapable of multitasking in this situation.

“ _Eight! _”__

____

Roger broke the kiss and pressed his lips against Brians' ear. “God, you are such a fucking _tease _.” He nipped at Brian’s earlobe which was rewarded with a broken moan. Roger began to unbutton his own pants as Brians hands somehow moved to Rog’s back, short fingernails attempting to dig in at his skin.__

____

“ _Seven! _”__

____

Roger was quite proud of the way he was able to use one hand to push Brian against the wall, the other to clumsily take off his own pants and his mouth to form an impressive looking hickey on Brians' neck all at the same time. Brian was melting into every touch and Roger was living for it.

“ _Six! _”__

____

Roger was beyond ready. With his lips once again against Brians he jutted his hips forward, pressing against Brians, Now only the thin fabric of their undergarments blocking the way for skin to skin contact. Brian broke the kiss, pulling his head back and moaning loudly, Roger was thankful for all of the noise in the bar that hopefully cancelled out what was going on in there.

“ _Five! _”__

____

Brian’s lustful eyes met with Rogers. And although Roger couldn’t care less about the consequences of their actions that could occur this night, he knew for a fact Brian would.  


He noticed Brian pulling in for another heated kiss, but Roger stopped him. He tried his best to seriously look into his eyes, then down at Brians' hips, and back into his eyes. It was a weak form of asking for consent but it was almost as if he knew what the answer would be.

“ _Four! _”__

____

It looked as if Brian managed to sober up in a matter of milliseconds. Roger watched the expressions on Brian’s face change as he began to connect the dots in his mind, as if he wasn’t fully present for the past few minutes. His mouth opened, but no words came out. Roger could feel his heart drop.

“ _Three! _”__

____

“I- I’m so sorry,” the words stumbled out of Brian’s mouth as he shoved Roger out of the way and fumbled to grab his pants. It was almost humorous to watch Brian attempt to put on a pair of jeans while still having a massive hard-on, if it wasn’t for the fact that Rog was in quite a similar situation. The countdown faded in Rogers' ears as he witnessed Bri quickly put on his shirt and leave, likely just to go straight home. As the door closed behind him, Roger remained in the dingy bathroom, the lights flickering as he solemnly stood against the wall, feeling more alone than he has felt in a long time. 

“ _Happy New Year! _”__

____

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I fucked up.”

Roger stood up, searching for his pair of boxer briefs previously discarded laying around in his bedroom, “You say that every time Brian. At some point, you gotta come up with some new dialogue.”

These kinds of ‘meetings’ have been going on for nearly two months now. Brian bursted into Rogers studio apartment late one night in the middle of January, fretting about the fact that his relationship is going downhill. Roger simply made a cup of tea for him and half-listened, Brian’s rants were often quite monotonous and repetitive, Roger normally only had to pick up pieces of it to comprehend the story enough to come up with some form of a reply.  


It was Brian who initiated it. Roger was in the middle of zoning out when he suddenly noticed Brian had that familiar look in his eyes. Roger was cautious, as he refused to repeat the events that occurred only weeks prior. But when he leaned forward and gave a simple closed mouth kiss before climbing on top of Rog to deepen it, Roger nearly forgot about their previous encounter. Nearly.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Roger asked for the fifth time as Brian laid underneath him, completely nude.  


“Jesus Christ Rog, I already said yes!” Brian panted out.

It was only supposed to happen once. The two woke up the next morning on Rogers frumpy couch, his arms and legs wrapped around Brian. The moment Brian realized what happened, he panicked and ran out the door. Roger was used to it. 

Brian came back two weeks later, this time sparring Roger from the complaints about his failing relationship and immediately pressing his hungry mouth against Rogers. This time he stayed for breakfast, but still quite shaken up.  


Every other week soon turned into every week, Brian was no longer as spontaneous about it and would politely call an hour in advance in case Roger wanted to tidy up or something along those lines. He never did.  


Maybe this was an unhealthy relationship, but God it made Roger feel good. The idea of Brian choosing him over the person he is currently with was always a selfishly wonderful feeling, knowing that he will always come back to him. He tries his best to think of it as nothing more than Brian solely just wanting sex, but his mind can't help but wander when he finds Brian asleep against his chest, legs intertwined with one hand resting against his stomach and the other hung over his hip. Rog thinks of a day where every night is spent like this, with no looming guilt or thrown away feelings. Where he could admit something that even he himself isn't sure about, but the dizzy feeling inside during moments like these make it seem so clear.  


Roger will eventually dismiss those thoughts, knowing that the second Brian opens his eyes, all previous feelings of desire and lust is filled with guilt and self-hatred. It's fine though, the two of them will eat Rogers terribly fried eggs and drink cheap coffee as Brian tries to form excuses for his behaviour.

“Why don’t you just break up with her?” Roger eventually suggests, taking a bite of slightly burnt toast that he poorly attempted to fix with heaping amounts of marmalade.  


“That would break her heart, Rog. She deserves better.”  


Roger looked at Brian, who was picking at his food, “And her breaking up with you after she figures out you were cheating is better... how?” Brian glared at him and Roger just shrugged, “I mean, what other options do you have?”  


He finally took a bite of the egg and frowned, “I could stop sleeping with you.”  
Roger has definitely heard that before, “And how is that working out for you?” Brian sighed and Roger took a sip of his own coffee. Brian may be considered a genius by some, but Roger thought he was one of the most ignorant people he’s met.  


“You’re not helping Rog,” Brian poured himself a second cup of coffee and added milk. He stirred it carefully before taking a sip.  


“I’m just telling the truth.”  


“Well the truth fucking sucks,” Brian followed Rogers actions of adding marmalade to the toast, furrowing his brows to find a lack of improvement, “Also, I know you’re just waiting for this relationship to end so we can fuck more.”  


This had been said numerous times in many different ways, but it still hurt. He hated to see Brian like this, and he didn’t know how to prevent it from happening. Besides not sleeping with him of course, but the fact that Brian is always so eager to do so makes it quite hard to stop. Roger didn’t finish his meal but stood up anyway.  


“Practice starts in an hour. Are you going home or do you want to carpool?” Roger began walking towards his bathroom to shower, Brian followed, leaning against the doorway.  


“I suppose I will stay, I walked here last night.”  


Roger knew Brian was watching as he began to undress. He pretended not to care,  


“Well, make yourself at home,” Roger turned on the shower and stepped in, shouting cuss words as the cold water poured on him.  


He saw Brian take a step into the bathroom and take off his shirt. 

“Don’t mind if I do.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I think Bri and Jocelyn broke up.”  


That statement piqued Rogers interest. He and Fred were in the control room sitting on the couch, watching Brian and John mess around with the Deacy Amp, fiddling to get the ‘perfect sound’ even though Roger swore it sounded just fine before. Freddie rested his legs on Rogers lap as Rog turned to face him.  


“What makes you say that?”  


Freddie pursed his lips, “I mean, just look at him”  


Brian looked tired. And not his usual ‘I stayed up until three in the morning to look at the stars even though I live in the middle of smog-filled London’ tired, more like the ‘I haven’t slept in three days and I’m pretending that’s normal’ tired. It seemed like he was nodding off just standing there.  


Roger looked down at the couch to pick a piece of lint off the cushion, “I wouldn’t be surprised, their relationship seemed like it was falling apart.”  


Freddie glanced over at Roger, skeptically, “How do you know?”  


Freddie was _far _too good at reading people, “Brian and I have been chatting…” it was a weak attempt to backtrack but Roger knew it was too late.__  
“Rog, I swear to God if this is your fault-”  


“It’s not Fred!” Roger raised his voice a little too loud, he was just sick of being blamed. He took a deep breath before continuing, “Brian is the one to initiate it. Fred, I’m telling you, I would never fuck up his life like that, I make sure everything is consciously his decision and-”  


“But you still slept with him didn’t you?” Freddie is far too honest about his opinions, but in a time like this, Roger is almost thankful someone is sure of something in this situation.  


“Yes,” Rog said plainly.

____

“Why?”

Roger wasn’t sure if he could answer that question. Of course, he could make the usual excuse of ‘he’s an easy shag’ or even worse ‘It’s not my fault if Brian ruins his life’ but Fred would see behind both of those. His mind raced to come up with something - anything - that wouldn’t involve the answer he was trying to avoid.  


He felt Freddie's hand rest against his arm as he gave Rog a knowing smile. Roger tried to nudge it off while looking down at his lap, his face slowly turning red from embarrassment.  


“Maybe you should talk with him Rog,” Freddie spoke softly, he always knew how to comfort a friend.  


Roger buried his head in his hands, “I don’t know, I just - don’t want to ruin things.”  


Freddie couldn’t help but stifle out a laugh, “Roger dear, your ‘thing’ is already terrible. All you do is fuck and feel guilty about it afterwards, how much worse can it get?”  


Despite himself, Roger let out a small laugh too, “I mean, the sex is good though.”  


“Jesus Christ Rog, it’s not hard to find someone to stick your dick into, the sex is good cause you like him.”  


Roger smiled and looked into the studio, grin growing wider as he watched Brian nearly drop his guitar.  


“Yeah, I guess so.”

Their attempt at working on their first album ended early as Brian was practically useless until he had a proper night's rest. Roger offered numerous times to drive Brian home, worried he would fall asleep on the wheel, but he insisted he was fine and needed some time to himself. Roger followed behind anyways, feeling as if Freddie would slaughter him if they didn’t talk. Brian must have either been completely out of it or simply ignoring Rog as there was not even a single form of recognition when Roger trailed behind his long legs as they made it to the fairly empty lot. Eventually, Roger had to break the ice.

“Did she find out?”

Brian stopped, clearly surprised by the voice behind him, taking a moment to register what was said, “No, I just told her it wasn’t working out,” he sighed, still not turning to face Roger, “I guess I followed your advice.”  


“It was for the best Bri,” Roger shoved his hands in his pockets, suddenly realizing he wasn’t exactly sure what he should say.  


Brian finally turned around, giving Roger a weak smile, “Listen, Rog, I’m really not in the mood tonight if that's what you’re asking. I know I was the one who fucked up but losing her still hurt, you know?”  


It took Roger awhile to figure out what he was implying before realizing they were on completely different wavelengths, “Brian, no that- that wasn’t what I wanted to talk about,” Roger bit his lip, frustrated at his inability to formulate his thoughts.  


Brian chuckled softly, his tired eyes looking into Roger’s, making Rog’s heart do backflips, “What is it then?”  


Roger paused for a long minute, his face growing red from embarrassment.

“Why is it always me?”

“What?” 

Roger let out a shaky breath, now focusing his line of sight to the pavement below them, “It’s a cycle Bri. You find a girl, suddenly sex is off the table. Then we have a ‘moment’... you know, where something almost happens but it never does,” he stops for a second to calm himself, although still refuses to look at Brian, “Then, you come over, cry to me about your relationship and suddenly we are fucking again,” Roger closes his eyes before looking back at Brian who was simply surprised by this topic, “I just want to know, why do you always come back to me?”  


It was clear Brian had never really thought about this until now. His mouth opened several times but closed soon after upon realization he didn’t really have an answer, 

“Instant gratification I suppose?” Brian shrugged, “I mean it never seemed to bother you-”  


“-Well, it does,” he wanted to stop talking. He was ruining their relationship by the second. But at the same time, Brian needed to know, “I hate seeing you like this... and I hate knowing I’m the root of the problem.”  


“Roger,” Brian spoke softly, only making things worse in Rogers mind, “It’s not your fault. Our relationship was falling apart before I came to you-”  


“And why do you think that is?” Roger was interrupting but he didn’t care. Brian can be so oblivious and it was frustrating. “Brian, you’re gay,”  
“I’m not-”  


“-Shut the fuck up, you are,” Roger dug his fingernails into his palms, “You can chase around pretty girls all you want but it will never last long.”  


“This is none of your business Rog,” Brian choked out, tears clearly forming.  


“Except it is Brian. ‘Friends with benefits’ or not, this is still a relationship…” Roger squeezed his eyes shut and hung his head, “... that I have got emotionally attached to.”  


“Roger-”  


“I want more out of this relationship Bri - or at least I think I do,” Roger opened his eyes again but still looked at his feet, afraid to face Brian’s reaction, “I want to be with you.”

There was a long pause. 

“That’s not possible Rog.” 

Brian took a deep breath in as Roger could feel his heart drop, “I don’t know what kind of rock you’ve been living under, but what we have is already socially unacceptable-”  


Is that it? Is that the only reason why Brian had been acting like this? Sure, Roger had noticed how Brian is constantly been talking about how people his age are already married and trying to have kids, but this simply can’t be the only reason why Brian is avoiding anything involving them on a deeper level. Roger wanted to refuse to believe that, but knowing Brian, facts conquer any emotion to him.  


“I don’t fucking care about that Brian!” Roger shouted. He was sick of it. Sick of talking, sick of admitting things, it was embarrassing and at this point? Not even worth it, “Can you stop using bloody logic to determine every single decision in your life? It makes you so fucking predictable.”

“Roger, this could ruin my future, your’s too. I can’t risk that.” 

Brian’s calm demeanour only made Roger feel worse. Tears ran down his face as he hunched into himself, “I don’t think I want to sleep with you anymore.”  
Brian was quick to respond to that, “Roger, you’re overreacting-”  


“No!” Roger looked up, too angry to care about how much of a mess he was, “I have done all of this for you, I have settled for this - _dehumanizing_ \- relationship long enough. You’re using me Bri, and I let you because I care about you,” Brian opened his mouth to protest but Roger continued before he could say anything, “But not anymore. I’m sick of it Bri, and you need to figure out what you want before we figure out what ‘this’ is.”  


Roger walked away. He could hear Brian shouting his name but he refused to turn around. He couldn’t back down, Roger finally realized he deserved better.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’m sorry.”

Weeks have passed since the fight, the fact that they are still in a band together makes things even more awkward. Brian tried to talk to Roger during practices or recording sessions, but Rog dismissed him. After all, it is a pretty lazy way to try and apologize. Not to mention Roger still wasn’t entirely sure that’s what he was trying to do.  


He felt bad for Freddie and John, who were suddenly stuck in this hot mess. Roger tried to avoid it, but knowing Brian, all it took was one drunken night to show up at one of their doorsteps to cry about it. At least that is the only explanation for how they knew what was going on, thank God the two of them tried not to get involved.

But now it was 4:30 in the morning and Roger miraculously managed to wake up and make it to his ringing phone in time to answer, although too groggy to properly think.  


“I think you have the wrong number,” he grumbled.  


“What? No, Rog, it's me. Brian.”  


Roger looked at the clock hanging crookedly on his wall, “Jesus Brian, do you ever sleep?”  


“Not lately,” Roger could hear Brian sigh over the phone, “Listen, Rog, I thought about what you said and realized I fucked up.”  


Rog couldn’t help but be surprised over the fact that Brian was actually apologizing. Sure, Brian is the kind of person who would say sorry to a plant he stepped on, but when it came to big fuckups, he would rather just hide away and ignore the problem.  


“You were right, I used you, and I didn’t even realize. You deserve to be treated better than that, and - God - I just really hope you can forgive me.”

“You just figured that out now?” Roger allowed himself to be a little cocky, after all, he spent the past few weeks waiting for him to show up at his doorstep, causing an extreme lack in his usual partying tendencies. And now here they are, Roger can’t help but be unimpressed that they are doing this over the phone.

“Well, the first week I was too angry and upset by this series of unfortunate events to even have the time to think. The second week I was in denial, just waiting for you to call me to beg for me to come over, then by the third week, I started to realize I was in the wrong… with the help of Deaky - who I -uh- accidentally vented to after practice one night. These past few days I’ve been too embarrassed to call you… until now,” Brian nervously chuckled, knowing what he said wasn’t a proper excuse. Not that Roger actually cared, his heart was doing summersaults just by the fact that Brian had been thinking about him.  


“It’s okay Bri, it really is,” Roger eventually whispered. He could hear Brian let out a sigh of relief, “I missed you,”  


“You see me almost every day.”  


Roger couldn’t help but roll his eyes, despite the fact that he knew Brian couldn’t see it “Fuck off, you know what I mean.”

There was a short pause, “I miss you too.”

Neither hung up, but they both were silent, Roger could hear Brians clam breaths on the other line.  


“Rog?” Brian spoke softly, but it still surprised Roger, who had nearly fallen back asleep.  


“Yeah?” Roger said, just as gently, a small yawn escaping his lips.  


“I want to try this. Like us… being together - dating,” Roger didn’t respond right away. “Only if you still want to,” he quickly added, Rogers heart now racing, “I realized all I want to do is wake up to the smell of your terrible cooking in your shitty apartment, as I slowly make my way over to your messy kitchen table that's slowly falling apart and eat the monstrosity you created. It took me a while to figure out that was my favourite part of our nights together.”  


Roger looked at the clock again. He looked back at the phone and began fiddling with the cord, “Let’s go out.”  


Brian took a moment to process what he said, “What? Right now?”  


Roger laughed, “Why not? I know a 24-hour diner nearby that cooks a bit better than I do. I’ll pick you up, it’s my treat.”

He could hear Brian smile over the phone, “Okay… sure, why not.”

Rog hung up soon after and grabbed his car keys, the empty feeling once inside him now blossoming up with potential and pure euphoria.


End file.
